SmackDown! Results for March 13, 2003

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At 11:04 AM… Brock Lesnar arrived to the Mellon Arena, set for the WWE Title night. Kurt Angle and his group arrived at 12:43, Kurt in a trance and looking a bit fearful and weary of his evening.

Number One Contender match as Rhyno/Benoit square off with Eddie/Chavo. My call was a three-way a while back, so I’m assuming that will set it up.

MATCH 1: TEAM ANGLE VS. REY MYSTERIO & BILLY KIDMAN (Non-Title)
Hass kicked it off with Kidman and Charlie hit a few basic takedowns before Billy tried to up the pace, unsuccessful until Benjamin tagged into the match. Rey, in his gear that the LWO angle needed, was a little too fast for Shelton, hitting a beautiful spinning headscissors takeover that got a two count. Benjamin with a flying armbar takedown put Kidman in trouble and the Champions began their assault of Billy Kidman’s left arm. Kidman certainly needed a tag after several minutes of arm offense on behalf of Team Angle, although they did find time for their leapfrog double team that always looks great with Shelton’s leaping ability. Billy finally made it to Rey at 5:16 and Mysterio attacked both Haas and Benjamin as only he can, nearly pinning Haas at 5:40. Kidman blind tagged himself in near the ropes and countered a powerbomb into a facebuster as Team Angle was in trouble. 619 from Rey to Haas and then a perfect Asai moonsault to Haas on the floor. Kidman hit the Shooting Star Press but Shelton pulled Billy off the cover (late, but they allowed it.) Kidman was pinned with the Benjamin superkick… Haas German bridge suplex tandem attack.
RATING: 7.5, This was awfully good for a WWE style of match and got more time than I thought it would.
MEMORABLE: Rey’s Asai was beautiful.
CROWD: 7.5, Seemed a little “too” jacked into this one honestly, but definitely it entertained them.
OUTCOME: Team Angle will have to face both Rhyno/Benoit and Los Guerreros at Mania, my call from about a month ago. Should be another good match.
WINNER(S): TEAM ANGLE AT 7:14

Stephanie on the phone in her office as Brian Kendrick comes in bearing flowers for her. He thanks her for the match with Kurt Angle a few weeks ago, she says she was impressed and he leaves as she goes back to her call. (This kid is not exactly a good talker, that’s something he’ll need big time. I wish him well… but he’s really going to have to turn it up in that regard.)

Jamie Noble visited the Playboy Mansion earlier in the day, taking a cheap cab to the front door. It was 9:17 AM when he rang the doorbell… he was still ringing it at 12:07. Finally someone opened the door and said the pool had already been cleaned. At 1:42 the guy opened the door again and Noble talked to him about wanting to tell Hef that he was making the mistake of a lifetime in picking Torrie over Nidia, and also telling the guy to tell Hugh to watch GGW tonight on PPV. Two guards helped Noble off the property. Later tonight… Torrie’s cover revealed.

MATCH 2: RIKISHI VS. CHUCK PALUMBO (W/ FBI)
Palumbo with his superkick at 0:06 after FBI distraction but the Samoan kicked out at one. Chuck with a belly to belly as he certainly has been focusing on his size as of late, probably a smart move to incorporate some power into his repertoire. The Kish fought back around 1:30 and hit his Samoan drop and his own superkick, then backed it up on Chuck… put him down in the corner, and passed on the Stinkface. Nunzio and the Bull tried to come in from the floor but Eddie and Chavo ran out and cleared them to the floor before anything started. The Rumpshaker won it for Rikishi as a result of Los G’s.
RATING: 4, Not really a bad match, but Rikishi minus Stinkface is not good for his popularity…though me personally, I’m fine with it.
MEMORABLE: Eddie and Chavo came from almost nowhere and springboarded to the floor.
CROWD: 6, They still dug Rikishi and didn’t bury this match… but there could have been some added stuff there.
OUTCOME: FBI vs. Rik and Los G’s next week probably on the show.
WINNER(S): RIKISHI AT 2:59

New Mania match announced officially by Cole, Taker and Nathan Jones taking on A-Train and Big Show. (I guess they did go with the tag as I was afraid of last week. Jones could turn that fast… though perhaps not, no doubt soon though. If Taker’s streak ends due to Train and Show, that just wouldn’t uh sit well with uh me.)

Taker looking for Jones in the back but unsuccessful… then sees him in a mirror with his head down basically sitting in the dark. Jones tells Big Evil he has learned to appreciate the peacefulness of silence and solitude through his ten years in prison. Taker understands that, but reminds him there will be no peace at Wrestlemania. The Phenom also wants to help Jones learn what to expect from Train and Show, watching their match tonight would help and Nathan is game for it.

Raw brand hits Moline tomorrow night, Lincoln on Saturday, Columbia on Sunday, and then Raw live in St. Louis at Savvis on Monday.

MATCH 3: BIG SHOW & A-TRAIN VS. FUNAKI & TAJIRI
Well… you can guess. Earlier today Funaki tried to encourage Tajiri and the Buzzsaw talked of his feet and mist being the factor. Well he sort of talked about it. Show laid both guys out in the first five seconds, then meathook chopped Funaki, the legal man, before a press step away slam and a tag to the A-Train. Show did commentary for a minute or so as Tajiri tagged in and hit a trio of chops before being run through with a shoulder block. Kicks from both Japanese stars as Train was caught in the wrong position momentarily. This was ugly for the foreigners, though they got a few kicks in here and there and came close to a fall that brought Show back to the ring. It ended with a chokeslam for Tajiri and then the Train Wreck backbreaker on Funaki that won it.
RATING: 3.5, Not as devastating as you might have thought… no just ridiculous shots, which was refreshing to some extent. Still about three minutes too long.
MEMORABLE: Train Wreck.
CROWD: 4, Nothing much.
OUTCOME: Show/Train vs. Taker/Jones in what should be a pretty ugly match with a most likely memorable finish.
WINNER(S): BIG SHOW AND A-TRAIN AT 3:47

They did a poll with the fans outside as to who would win the Lesnar/Angle match tonight… 3-2 in favor of Brock.

BOOT OF THE WEEK (Lugz): Nidia flashing Mathews last week after challenging Torrie to a Body Challenge for tonight’s Girls Gone Wild PPV.

Dawn Marie in the back runs into Sean O’Haire, who senses something is the matter. Dawn says she has a beautiful body also and she’s a little upset that Torrie got the Playboy shoot. O’Haire brings up the fact that the GGW women will show theirs tonight on the PPV, but Dawn could show her voluptuous body on SmackDown this evening. “Are you telling me I should flash the audience here tonight? ‘Dawn, I’m not telling you anything that you don’t already know.’”

Torrie talking from GGW as she wants to show her cover for Playboy magazine. She shows it off… saying “if you think this is hot, wait until you see what’s inside.” (Cover is hot, which is not a surprise of course.)

Dawn Marie’s music hit and out she came as Cole and Tazz mentioned the GGW PPV for about the hundredth time since 8 PM. “You people think that I have a voluptuous body don’t you? While those girls are going wild tonight on PPV, I am going wild right here on SmackDown.” She began to unbutton her top, flashing in Tazz and Cole’s direction before holding it shut… the middle rope blocked the TV view of the main event… where I’m sure tape blocked everyone else’s view. Another ad for the GGW Spring Break Uncensored PPV, as they’re going for all they can with this thing.

Austin, Hogan, Triple H, and Vince McMahon take part in “Wrestlemania 3rd Degree” on March 23rd on TNN to answer many questions, including the true superstar of the decade. First I’ve heard of that sit down four way interview.

Earlier this week, John Cena did another taped rap towards Brock Lesnar, this time apparently in the waiting room of the doctor’s office, calling Brock the poster child for the pill and going down easier than a ho for a five dollar bill. “I’ll whack you more times than a masturbation tournament.” That was awfully funny and very well-executed again from Cena, who is quietly making a name for himself in a perfect character.

MATCH 4: RHYNO & CHRIS BENOIT VS. LOS GUERREROS (Number One Contender)
Chris and Chavo started things out as I believe Brian Hebner forgot to call for the bell in this one. Mat wrestling from both men as well as a feeling out period before Eddie tagged himself in once he and Chavo held a coaching session. To counter that, Benoit tagged Rhyno into the ring, and the Man Beast overpowered Eddie, but couldn’t outthink his counterpart. Rhyno with a high facebuster and a tag to Benoit at 2:38 as Eddie was in minor trouble following a kitchen sink knee lift that got a two count. Chavo hit a belly to back suplex on Rhyno, dropping him on his neck with it, but the bigger man powered Guerrero to his corner and Benoit easily tagged in to relieve him. Guerrero fired away at the Crippler, who matched him and took him down with a Crossface at 5:18 but Eddie rolled through and fought to the ropes, then tagged in. Eddie had to try and peel his nephew off of Benoit as Chavo was frantically attacking, showing how badly he wanted that spot at Wrestlemania. At 7:40, Chris Benoit needed a tag but after a kitchen sink rollup, Chavo nailed him with a double thrust and made the tag to Eddie, who hit his apron senton for a near fall. Fan response was dying big time as Benoit’s tough evening continued at the hands of Los Guerreros, but they came alive as Chris tried a Crossface but Chavo rolled him right out of the ring. All four ended up on the floor as Rhyno clotheslined Eddie and checked on Benoit and the show took a break at 9:59, coming back at basically 13:00 with Chavo trying his own poor variation on a Crossface that did not work… there was no Crossface, it was a headlock and then turned more into a Crossface kind of maneuver. Rhyno tagged in at 14:03 and Chavo didn’t know it… it was kind of anticlimactic to come in that way but the Man Beast turned up the power on Chavo. Benoit had Guerrero on the top rope later in the match and Eddie turned it into a sunset powerbomb as Rhyno broke up the cover and then tossed Chavo to the floor at 16:43. Small package on Benoit from Eddie after baiting Rhyno to charge him in the corner. Benoit gave Eddie a belly to back to the floor and Chavo connected with a dropkick on the Rabid Wolverine. Crossface on Chavo at 17:35 as Eddie came off the top with the Frog Splash onto Benoit, which broke up the cover. Eddie stumbled right into a Gore but then Chavo brought Rhyno to the floor with a headscissors that put them both over the top. Benoit covered Eddie but Guerrero kicked out at 18:17. This one folks, was pretty much a classic, definitely one of the better WWE TV matches you’ll probably ever see. Benoit with the rolling Germans, after the second Eddie countered with his own move, the triple vertical suplexes, but the second one turned into a Crossface. Eddie battled through to a waistlock that was reversed and Benoit hit yet another German suplex, looking for a second as Team Angle hit the ring, assaulting all four men with the belts and leaving.
RATING: 10, Excellent match right there with tons of drama, only about 15 hit television, not sure how much was cut but if that’s a sign of Mania, the rest of that card has plenty of work to do to keep up. I could not have asked for anything better than I got for that one, totally stole the show.
MEMORABLE: Frog Splash to break up the Crossface
CROWD: 5-8, Were taken on a ride, which shows how good this one was.
OUTCOME: Triple Threat at Wrestlemania.
WINNER(S): NO CONTEST AT 19:30

Footage from last Thursday as Vince and Hogan verbally went at it and set up their fight, “The Battle in Seattle” as Raw magazine’s XIX special terms it. Vince we then see in a special set up area where I would guess he will talk from after the break.

SmackDown crew hits up Miami on Saturday, Tampa on Sunday, and tapes next week’s show in Louisville on Tuesday.

Stephanie angry walks up to Haas and Benjamin, who were celebrating, until they find out the WWE Tag Titles are in a triple threat against Los Guerreros and Benoit and Rhyno.

Classic footage of Vince and Hogan through the years, the WWF star that the Hulkster became when he pinned the Iron Sheik for the WWF Championship, then the phenomenon of Hulkamania and many of his memorable moments to Rick Derringer’s “Real American.” Then shots of Hogan talking about 1983 to 1993 and how he ran with the banner like no one else could, but it was Vince McMahon who set up the deals and the strategy and gave him the chance. Plenty of the old Vince/Hogan segments together as announcer/interviewer to main event superstar. Then shots of Hogan on Rivers, Carson, Arsenio, Letterman, Regis, and everywhere else you can imagine though they didn’t show every single thing. Then from the Wrestlemania VIII preshow spectacular, Vince thanking Hogan for Hulkamania before potentially the “career ending” match with Sid Justice.

Now Vince live, “Now what you people just saw was a historic piece of footage… now what you saw, well you know what, let’s take a look at it again. Alright, one more time. (They showed the handshake and the thank you from Hogan to Vince.) You see that was history in the making because it was the first and only time that Hulk Hogan ever said thank you to me for anything… and all these years Hulk Hogan said thank you one time, and you just saw it. A real ingrate huh? That’s exactly what you are Hogan. But it wasn’t always that way, because at one time we were the best of friends. We were inseparable. We even rode Harleys together, got into spirited situations from time to time together. But then you changed, and when you changed you hurt me, you hurt my family, and you hurt my business. And you being the sociopath that you are Hogan I’m sure didn’t bother you, but it bothered me, it hurt me, it cut me to the bone. I know now that you weren’t saying thank you to me at all, way back then you were saying screw you Vince McMahon, and that’s exactly what you did at the first opportunity you had… you screwed me, you defected to WCW and you said all those hurtful things to and about me Hogan. Me being who I am as a human being, I actually forgave you for all of that and I actually invited you back, knowing that this is my ballpark, I just allow you and a few others to play in it. And after I brought you back, you challenge me to a match at Wrestlemania, well it’s on, it’s going to happen, but as I said this isn’t a match, this is a fight, a fight like never before Hogan. After this fight is over with at Wrestlemania, I know I’m going to be hurt all over again. I know I’m going to feel like my guts have been torn out. I know that I’m going to feel that my heart has been broken. I’m going to be devastated, you know why, because you Hogan are going to force me to do what I never really wanted to do, and that’s kill one of my own creations, Hulkamania. And for that Hogan, for that… I will never ever forgive you… never.”

Next week, Hulk Hogan and Vince McMahon sign the contract for Wrestlemania.

We see Trish shooting her sorority sisters skit for MadTV… which Stratus likes as she’s able to show her comedic side.

BURN OF THE NIGHT (Stacker 2): Rey over Tajiri and Noble to get the shot at Matt Hardy for Wrestlemania, winning the three way last week.

MATCH 5: MATT HARDY (W/ Shannon Moore) VS. PITTSBURGH PENGUIN
“Matt has never locked his keys in his car” and “Matt hates cleaning his carpet.” In the back, Rey Mysterio watching the monitor closely as Matt had made this a non-title Cruiserweight challenge sparring session… to whomever accepted it. On the mic Matt talked of not defending his title until Mania but to make sure his Mattributes stayed finely tuned… the challenge was opened to everyone but Rey. Obviously the Penguin, wearing an admirable mask, was Brian “Spanky” Kendrick, even in the black and green boots, but once he tried the hometown pop, the fans were totally behind him. The Penguin took Matt down and Hardy stopped it, saying it was an exhibition before decking the kid with a hard right hand. Shannon helped to choke the Penguin on the middle rope before Matt hit his Ricochet… a kickout from the Penguin. Matt was just too much for the Penguin, finally pulling the mask off and celebrating it as we see it was one Brian Kendrick. He then assaulted Matt as the match was still on, using quickness and hitting a springboard dropkick. Kendrick with a near fall on Matt at 4:02 and then a turning variation of a tornado DDT variation that got a two count. Moore had entered the ring and Kendrick ran into him, then hit some moves on both men at one time. Shannon pulled Matt out of the ring at 4:55 and the two stumbled up the ramp. In the back, Rey had stood up in front of his monitor.
RATING: 6, I was entertained by the whole deal… made sense and gave Kendrick another chance to show his stuff
MEMORABLE: Liked the corkscrew run up the ropes into the tornado DDT, the run up Moore in the corner into the diamond dust variation was nice also.
CROWD: 6, Seemed to like this overall.
OUTCOME: Rey/Matt in what should be a nice match at Mania, Kendrick continues to fight for his job… which he will eventually get officially, though we all know he already has.
WINNER(S): BRIAN KENDRICK… COUNTOUT (I guess) at 4:55

Press conference at the ESPNZone in Times Square this coming Tuesday at 11 AM. Cole and Tazz both say it is absolutely huge.

In the back, Rey put Kendrick over huge and congratulated him on a great effort. Brian then wished Mysterio luck at Wrestlemania before screaming “This is it” to himself about the opportunity he may be looking at soon.

We see the footage of Angle winning the Championship, then Brock winning the Rumble, then Angle’s mind games of the Team Angle gauntlet that Brock ran through… Heyman’s interference and the F-5 that keeps him off of this week’s show from last week’s cage match. Lesnar, by winning that match, gets Kurt here tonight.

Brock finishing some final stretches using a pair of hockey goals before taking off towards the ring. Tale of the tape once again as Brock has about sixty pounds and four inches on the Olympic gold medalist.

WRESTLEMANIA MOMENT: From 1987 and III… Hogan over Andre for the WWF Championship.

MATCH 6: KURT ANGLE VS. BROCK LESNAR (WWE Championship)
Kurt came out, went into the ring, then got on his knees in the corner as if he was praying, with his gold underneath him. Brock attacked Kurt, who was still in the corner, driving shoulders into the small of his back and throwing knee lifts as Angle did no fighting back at all. F-5 at 0:27 and a 1-2… Brock got up off the count looking like he saw a ghost. Angle still in his crushed velvet hooded jacket and out as Brock left the ring to run up after Team Angle, who had just arrived. In the ring, one Kurt switched with another… who looked exactly like him. Brock re-entered and Angle with a small package won it at 1:19. We see the real Kurt go up the ramp and the second one, bald as well, being attacked and busted open, taking the F-5 into the ring post… and yep, it’s one Eric Angle.
RATING: NR, Not a ratable match but an awesome segment since they made the Mania decision to keep things as they were.
MEMORABLE: Eric Angle strikes again.
CROWD: 9, Jacked for it of course.
OUTCOME: Kurt and Brock is still on… we can keep our fingers crossed that it goes okay and that this isn’t a huge mistake.
WINNER(S): KURT ANGLE AT 1:19